Mehh ... ?

It's been a while since I lasted posted, but here's an update. Been pretty busy for others and struggling with myself at the same time. I am always struggling, yay for being me. Circumstances led to time for myself again and here I am feeling eager to start on several things, although I am still feeling kinda down and without energy. I am itching to start Minecraft projects, some coding stuff and maybe even streaming, but at the same time scared to end up doing too much and forcing myself to quit again. I am full of ideas though and I feel there are opportunities I should really grab. Remaining indecisive, doing half of anything, is not the solution. Hopefully once I truly allow myself to dive in, I will be able to get some things done and finish some long awaited projects.

Some things that are planned and/or being worked on:

• Moving away from Blogger and re-building my website from scratch on a true host.
• Complete new website will most likely contain a lot of WebGL and 3D effects, but no spoilers yet.
• Project Pixy, starting a new Minecraft project which includes GregTech ;-P
• Fun Paradise II & III - The Movie (uploads to YouTube)
• Might be doing a Minecraft building project which I have been asked to help out with, but needs further discussion first.
• Considering to start streaming again, either on Hitbox or Twitch.
• Twitch/Hitbox extension/plugin and Pixy_Bot re-vamped implementation/makeover.
• Another old idea for chat interaction.
• Making music again, it's been ages and always loved working on tracks. Could do some cool video with it for YouTube uploads.
• several other ideas to work on over time.
• Working on myself instead of fleeing into helping others, love it and hate it, I don't allow myself time to get anywhere myself.

All-in-all a lot of work and not sure what has priority. Considering I usually do all by myself some of these things will definitely take some time getting finished. I will just work on whatever I feel like at the moment, so I don't really have a schedule at all. I noticed I cant really deal with pressuring myself too much. Love being 'Miss Perfect', but hate having such high goals/standards. So yeah, what the heck, we shall see. I should focus on my own life which DOES have priority, but at the same time DONT feel like it at all. So tired and burned out, yet so ambitious and anxious to accomplish anything. I might as well not care all too much at the moment, because I am more than happy to at least do something and hopefully that will lead to 'loving' myself a bit more. Stop thinking and worrying, just do something, anything!

Mehh, just mehhh ... and dang ... once again, ... I start posting and writing and I feel guilty towards myself for not doing this more often. It does me well and makes me feel 'real' again. And another thing ... why do I feel so effing scared? Prolly afraid to fail the things I promise myself to accomplish ... *sigh*.